Q&A: Learning to ‘Survive My Own Mind’ With Ashley Kutcher

 

☆ By GiGi Kang ☆

 
 

“MY MIND KEEPS TRYING TO GROUND MY BODY’S UNREST” — summarizes the honesty that shapes Ashley Kutcher’s latest release, Survive My Own Mind. This lyric off the title track encompasses the experience of living with anxiety that Kutcher’s listeners praise her for articulating, and the entire EP is filled with stories that reveal her journey with mental health. Any listener who has gone through a similar journey will find Kutcher’s latest EP utterly genuine.

We often hear of a certain comfort in chronic sadness because change can be challenging. On “Only Love Me Broken,” Kutcher conveys this constant push and pull of healing, of wanting to move on but being afraid to leave behind what is familiar. By the end of the EP, in “Do It All Again,” she accepts both the good and the bad memories, unwilling to change even the hurtful ones because, ultimately, every moment comes together to form Kutcher’s journey. “All of my favorite books have made mе cry, but I don’t rip out pages,” she sings. “So why would I tear out our storyline?”

Kutcher began her musical pursuit in 2019 when she performed in local bars while simultaneously attending college for nursing. “Love You From a Distance” was the first song to draw the spotlight to Kutcher as its popularity grew on TikTok and has now gathered over 64 million Spotify streams. Survive My Own Mind follows the release of her first EP, One Eighty, in 2021.

Read below as Kutcher talks about the creation of her second EP, her upcoming tour, and the process of healing.

LUNA: What would you say has changed the most from One Eighty to Survive My Own Mind?

KUTCHER: My sound and style evolved quite a bit. I’ve spent the past few years working on what kind of sound feels the most natural to me. One Eighty allowed me to experiment with so many different genres, while Survive My Own Mind feels more cohesive.

LUNA: Your listeners have often expressed gratitude for your ability to share the realities of anxiety. How did you find the writing process of a song like “Survive My Own Mind,” which is deeply intimate in voicing the day-to-day obstacles that rise from anxiety?

KUTCHER: Writing “Survive My Own Mind” actually came so easily to me. Anxiety is so prominent, but everyone experiences it in a different way. This song talks about my personal experience with intrusive thoughts and the physical symptoms of anxiety. Once I started writing, it all just came out from there.

LUNA: Some of the other songs such as “Nothing’s All The Time” and “Do It All Again” are optimistic and accept that neither good nor bad last forever. Is it important to you as an artist to address both the grief and the hope of such experiences?

KUTCHER: Yes, for sure! Negative experiences aren’t solely detrimental to us as people. We need both good and bad experiences to grow and learn. I like touching on these “negative” experiences in my songs because some of my best memories are from past relationships or mistakes along the way.

LUNA: A major theme on this EP is disconnection, whether it be from oneself or from other people. The title track expresses a disconnect between mind and body, while “Love You More” expresses disconnect in terms of a relationship: “I can’t give him everything, not all of me when you still have partially, some part of me.” Do you find writing about such disconnect actually allows you to better connect with these experiences?

KUTCHER: Sometimes I feel very disconnected or out of control of my own mind. A lot of songs I’ve written talk about my struggles with disconnect. Addressing those thoughts is a great way to connect with other people. In one song on the EP, I wrote “misery loves company,” which is true but not necessarily bad. People just don’t want to feel alone. I share my experiences so other people know these thoughts are not uncommon and you can work through them.

LUNA: Two human emotions that Survive My Own Mind examines throughout are anxiety and love, and they merge in “Sleepy.” You sing about being “on edge” and about how “the world gets scarier” as you grow older, but this is counteracted by a safe relationship: “’Cause you calm me down, ’cause you slow my breath.” For you, did creating this EP reveal any overlap between anxiety and love?

KUTCHER: When it came to my anxiety, I realized it caused me to push people away. I pushed away good relationships and experiences because I couldn’t stop worrying about the future. I wasn’t able to slow down. When I realized that having a good, safe, and comfortable love is not something you should push away, I wrote “Sleepy.” The world has enough craziness. If you can find someone that treats you right and loves you, don’t jeopardize that for something toxic just because it’s exciting.

LUNA: In “Do It All Again,” you sing, “Why would I tear out our storyline?” Similarly, do you have any experiences as a rising artist that you feel have shaped you despite any difficulties?

KUTCHER: For sure! I have written many songs and posted videos online as an artist that I would definitely not do again today. But I would never erase that timeline. All of those experiences have just helped me be better and align more with myself.

LUNA: You’ll be going on a North American tour starting in early 2023. Is there anything you’re particularly looking forward to in the new year?

KUTCHER: I’m so excited to go on my first headline tour in 10 cities. Playing live shows is one of my absolute favorite parts of music so I cannot wait to see everyone on the road! I am also looking forward to continuing to write music and developing my next project.

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