Q&A: Beth McKenzie’s Latest Releases Fall In Step with The Excellency of Her First Project ‘Does This Make Me A Bitter Woman?’
INTERVIEW
INTERVIEW
☆ BY IVONA HOMICIANU ☆
BETH MCKENZIE CONTINUES TO STUN WITH HER CANDID SONGWRITING—in “Catching The Next Train” and “My Skeleton Mocks Me.” A year ago, McKenzie released her audacious project Does This Make Me A Bitter Woman? which put her on the map as an artist of tomorrow. McKenzie returned with two poignant tracks before saying goodbye to this chapter.
The Manchester-based artist began her career with “Don’t Tell My Boyfriend,” a song that delves into the complex dynamic of dating as a queer woman when the other person hasn’t yet accepted their sexuality. She continued with the release of “She’s Finally Lost It!,” a track that takes other people’s perceptions and turns them around in an unapologetic upbeat anthem. “Inside Out” shows the dilemma of knowing someone too well to the point of predicting heartbreak before it happens.
The new additions showcase intricate self-reflection. “Catching The Next Train” captures the intoxicating nature of staying in a relationship because of the feelings involved, but deciding to prioritise wellbeing in the long run. “My Skeleton Mocks Me” talks of the phenomenon of repressing your emotions, only to have them return and remind you that what is hidden doesn’t disappear.
McKenzie’s songwriting is eloquent and unafraid to approach difficult subjects such as religious trauma, being in the music industry, mental health and healing. She has a mindfulness of emotions, which brings her knowledge of when to be delicate and when to be unapologetic. Her lyricism has a poetic side, while at the same time staying grounded in a realism that attracts people who are deemed “too much,” offering them a safe place through the comfort of being understood.
Luna talked to Beth McKenzie about the deluxe edition of her EP, Does This Make Me A Bitter Woman? — check it out below.
LUNA: “The Cult” is such an audacious track, especially since it's like the introduction to the EP. I was wondering, what made you want to talk about this specific subject?
MCKENZIE: I wrote [“The Cult”] about various experiences I had growing up in a more conservative religious environment, and “The Cult” is a response to that in the form of pure frustration and complete “screw you” kind of thing. It's not a subtle track and it's not meant to be. It was just a pure, cathartic, expression of frustration. That's why I wanted to lead the EP with it, just to set the tone of… This is not going to be quiet. I'm definitely going to be saying exactly what I think. “The Cult” was just the perfect way for me to start doing that.
LUNA: Moving on to “Don't Tell My Boyfriend,” I feel that it talks about a subject that is very common with women figuring out their sexualities. There's that fear of being different, but also hiding and not accepting themselves, while also hurting the person that they're with at the same time. It's refreshing to hear this side of the story.
MCKENZIE: I think giving both perspectives is always really important. I can definitely relate to both sides of things, and I feel like a lot of people can as well. I just wanted to explore that in not an angry way, just in kind of a frustrated way, because everyone involved just feels frustrated. It's not easy to be on the receiving end of someone who's not intentionally using you, or not sure where they're at. That really messes with you. I just wanted to explore that sadness really. It's quite an upbeat song, but I'd say the overall feeling of it is loss and sadness. Taking experiences I've had with people and putting them all into, obviously, a very vague song, but I'm hoping there's parts that people can pick and choose that they relate to.
LUNA: Yeah, it's such a complicated line to walk, and I feel that you really did it justice by not pointing fingers at anyone, but also acknowledging the hurt they can bring.
MCKENZIE: Yeah, I really like that. I think that's really important to highlight, because in situations like that, it's often not really anybody's fault. It's not as easy as picking someone and pointing the blame at them, because everyone's wrestling with these upset feelings, and nobody's feeling good, nobody's setting out to hurt one another, but it's just what happens. I’m glad you picked up on that, so thank you. I wanted to explore being able to sit with that discomfort and frustration without overly pointing the finger at someone and blaming someone.
LUNA: It has some beautiful lyrics, like “The sunbeams are kissing her cheeks” and “Trace the freckles in gold on her skin.” As a writer, do you notice these details in the moment and make a mental note for later, or do you put yourself back in that moment when you write the song?
MCKENZIE: I definitely do both. I think it depends on the song. Again, that's such a good question. I don't think I've been asked that before, but it's definitely a mix. I do have multiple notes on my phone, and when there are specific details that I think would work really well in a song to ground something, at first chance I will kind of just sneak away and just add it onto my list. I have a huge notes page of metaphors, or literal things that I'm seeing at the time, noting what emotion I'm feeling when I'm seeing them. Then, there are other times where I'm sat writing the song, and I'm putting myself back in the situation I'm trying to remember and I'm also exploring new metaphors that I'd never visually picked up on but fit. I think I probably try to do it so people don't notice, but every now and then someone will be like, “Why have I just said something and why have you just gone somewhere and you're pulling out your phone and you're writing something?” I try to make it not obvious, but I feel like I'm not very good at it because when I get an idea, I'm like, “Oh my God, I don't want to forget this. Give me a second, I'm just gonna write it down” [laughs].
LUNA: Could you talk about "She's Finally Lost It!”? I'm curious about the perspective you are writing from - because you're talking to someone like you, but there’s also someone else's perspective.
MCKENZIE: I wanted it to be quite disorienting, so that's why there's a couple of different perspectives, because the whole song is about being made to feel like you're going insane. You're not going insane, but everyone around you is trying to make you feel that you're insane. It's kind of turning things around that makes you question everything. This specific song I wrote about my experience in the music industry with some not-so-great people and when those are people in power, it just makes you feel even more like, “Oh, my God. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm losing my mind.” The verses are in my perspective, and the chorus is in the perspective of those music industry people who are like, “Oh yeah, don't go anywhere near her. She's absolutely insane.”
When we were writing it, me and Andy, who's my producer who I worked on this project with, I actually drew an image of what I had in mind if the song was going to be visual. I often do that with a lot of songs. I draw little images, it just helps me pick out details. I'd drawn this cage in the middle of a big white room, and it was me in this cage with people walking around looking in, being like, “Whoa, what's that?” and then the chorus, where it's like, “Honey, don't go over there;” it's like someone's bringing a young kid to see me and they're like, “Look at her. You don't want to be like her. She's crazy.” It’s this feeling of being completely watched and the perspective of you being completely warped.
LUNA: I think it's so interesting because, again, you could apply it even if you're not part of the music industry. You can apply it to family, to other people who see you that way, and I think it's reassuring to have a song that's like… “Okay, and so what?”
MCKENZIE: I think, unfortunately, a lot of people can relate to that experience which is not great. I'm glad that people are able to take it out of my perspective and put it into theirs and apply it to their situation.
LUNA: You talked about making drawings. Did you make some for the other songs too?
MCKENZIE: Yes, I have drawings for pretty much every song. Sometimes they're ones where I sit down properly and I map out the exact setting and then I bring it into the studio with me, or they’re ones where, I'm in the studio and the words are in my head but I want to visualize them, so I'm doing crazy little drawings in the studio. Andy looks back, and he's like, “Why are you doodling?” and I’m like, “Just give me a minute. This is part of the creative process.”
LUNA: What were the others? If you're comfortable sharing.
MCKENZIE: “Inside Out,” I drew a big kind of beach but without any water, just that idea of complete isolation, where nothing is where it's meant to be. There's no water, there's no end to the sand. It's a vast open space with just you. It’s cold, it's windy, and it's reminiscent of something you recognize, but it's not quite the way it is in reality. For “My Skeleton Mocks Me,” the new track, as you can guess, I just drew a skeleton. That one's not overly creative, but yeah, that's what I did for that. “Catching The Next Train,” I drew a village train station, not like a busy city train station, like the small village where you're getting on a train that only comes once an hour. Leaving the sanctuary of this nice little village and you're going back to reality.
LUNA: That's so creative. Does it help you with getting ideas for music videos?
MCKENZIE: Oh, yeah. Whenever I'm writing a song, I'm creating the visual in my head as well. I know exactly what I want to do as I'm writing. I often think about them at the same time. Even the new stuff I've been writing recently, I have a lyrics document and a concept document, but at the same time I have a visual document going as well. I'm writing everything down because for me the visuals with the music, they just both are amazing separately, but when you put them together… I just love it. I love creating the whole world. They definitely influence each other.
LUNA: The standard version of the EP ends with “It Won't Always Feel So Heavy.” First of all, that's very poetic to end with, as if putting it out for the future. Now that it's a year later snce the standard version came out, did things change for the better or get lighter?
MCKENZIE: I think things go up and down. That's kind of the main message in there, especially for me personally, it's knowing that it will go up and down, but there will be moments where it isn't so much down. I definitely have seen a lot of growth in myself from last year, still having ups and downs but in different ways, and moving on from where I was this time last year, I see a huge difference in myself. I hope there's other people who listened this time last year and listen now and feel the same.
LUNA: If you could assign “Catching The Next Train” to a fictional couple, who would it be?
MCKENZIE: Oh, that's such a good question. I’d say Villanelle and Eve from Killing Eve, particularly in season two and three.
LUNA: I don't know if you have seen this movie, it's “Love Rosie.” It made me think of Rosie and Alex in the movie missing each other, even though they’ve been in love with each other the entire time, they’re just moving on with their lives.
MCKENZIE: You are the third person to mention that movie to me this week, so I need to watch it.
LUNA: In general, it feels like music is very therapeutic for you. I was wondering, with the release of “My Skeleton Mocks Me,” what is the message that you hope people take away from the song?
MCKENZIE: Music is so therapeutic for me. That's why I started writing in the first place. I didn't really intend to release the music I was writing. It was just my therapist's idea. I think this one has been quite a difficult one for me to release, because it's really personal, and it's still exploring topics that I haven't really got figured out yet. I don't know if I'm the best qualified to say, “This is what people should take from it,” but what I hope people take from it is that the answer in the long term isn't to ignore things. Now, obviously, I can't say that for everyone. There's obviously circumstances where you have to do different things, but in my experience, trying to forget about things that have happened, or ignore things that are happening, and just suppressing them and being like, “No, it's fine. We don't need to talk about it. We don't need to bring it up,” that just doesn't work a lot of the time and it can end up making you feel even worse.
For me, that manifested itself in being physically unwell, the body really does hold the score even when you don't realize it. It's insane, the connection between the brain and the body. I want people to consider whether that's the best option for them, if it's the best option for them, then keep going. I really want to make people think about how they're dealing with things, and encourage them to, in whatever way they can, think about it, express it in a safe way, but just don't store it inside of you because you will feel it. Even when you're forgetting about it, your body remembers.
LUNA: Is there anything else that we haven't touched on that you'd like to share with our readers?
MCKENZIE: I've been working on lots of new music, apart from this deluxe, which I'm really excited to share in the coming year. It's a project I'm really proud of and I think people are gonna like it, especially if they like the last two tracks I've done. I'm also going on tour next month opening for my friend Eileen Alister in a few cities in Europe, which is really fun. I'm going to be doing loads more live stuff, because I've only just started playing live so I'm excited to be getting into that side of things more, starting at the end of October in Paris.
LUNA: Since this is your first project, what are you hoping for the next one?
MCKENZIE: I think the next one is definitely super well-planned compared to this one, because this one came at a time where I just had gotten back into music, and I wasn't 100% sure what I was doing. This next project is really, really well planned out. It means a lot. Every song flows into the next one. All the songs were kind of written at the same time as one another so they could be this coherent project. On the visual side of things, we've got some really cool, exciting things that we're doing with it. I'm really excited for people to hear the story of the next project.
