Q&A: Maddie Zahm’s “Babygirl,” An Ode to Queerness and Self-Acceptance
INTERVIEW
INTERVIEW
☆ BY IVONA HOMICIANU ☆
Photo by @sandrajamphoto
MADDIE ZAHM APPROACHES SELF-ACCEPTANCE IN A JOYFUL SUMMER ANTHEM ABOUT QUEER RELATIONSHIPS — Amidst conversations about bisexuality, Zahm shows the beauty of redefining limits around queerness. A contrast to her previous releases, “Babygirl” details the sweet parts surrounding a relationship that defies gender expectations.
“I went on a date with someone who I asked their pronouns, and he said he/him/babygirl. I loved that so much. He went on about how gender is a playground and, since then, I’ve found so much joy in writing songs that let people explore the fluidity in gender and the many shades of femininity! “‘Babygirl’ is a bi anthem for her/him/babygirls.”
Having gained traction with her song “Fat Funny Friend,” Zahm has been focusing on processing complex emotions through power ballads. Between leaving her hometown of Boise, Idaho where she was an active participant in the church, to pursuing her music career in Los Angeles as an out and proud queer artist, Zahm has been through a variety of life experiences allowing her to explore the intricacies of earnest songwriting.
Her latest project titled (the angry part) shows her skills as a vocalist and songwriter, with haunting melodies and lyricism that dig into our emotional psyche and settle there. Exploring situations such as being the witness to a friend’s toxic relationship in “He Calls Me Pretty,” to the consequences of fame in “Cannibal,” the project shows her striking versatility. Her previous release “Mothers & Daughters” explores the complex relationship dynamic, with grace and forgiveness towards the ones that raised us.
Throughout her career, Zahm has been healing out loud and taking the listener on their own journey. Although “Babygirl” is on an unprecedented register for the singer-songwriter, it is no exception to the rule. Through the new single, she explores radical acceptance towards one’s queerness and showcases the true meaning of pride. With a focus on loving trans and queer men, the single is a breath of fresh air in our current climate. Zahm has figured out her honesty and authenticity are her essence.
Luna talked to the artist about her newest release, as well as her future plans.
Photo by @sandrajamphoto
LUNA: Congratulations on the release of “Babygirl.” It’s such a fun summer anthem! How did you decide to release it?
ZAHM: Honestly, at the time, I was dating my girlfriend and she was like, this is really fucking good, you should release this. I wasn't sure how it was going to be received, just because I primarily do date she/her women. So I was like, okay, I'll post a little bit to the internet and see what happens. And then people f*cking ate it up, so I decided to release it.
LUNA: What was the first lyric that you wrote for “Babygirl?”
ZAHM: I think it was “he cries at One Direction concerts and steals my sweaters.”
LUNA: That's so cute. The song is very different in tone from your previous releases. It's a lot more light-hearted. Do you plan to lean more into this fun, light-hearted kind of music?
ZAHM: I do. I think it's gonna be 50/50. I do have a lot of emo songs, but I also think I found a lot more joy in just my experiences the past couple of years. I have so many more joyful songs that I haven't released yet. I think it will be really fun to be able to show people that I'm also not always crying in my room.
LUNA: That's so fun. I'm so looking forward to that. So what was your partner's reaction to “Babygirl”?
ZAHM: I guess, do you mean when I was with that person? He thought it was adorable. I mean, I thought it was unhinged, but he was very sweet. It was actually the first person that I dated with he/him pronouns, and when we met, he told me that his pronouns were he/him/babygirl. And I just thought that was so adorable. It was also very new for me. I've always kind of identified as bi or pan, and have really been careful to label myself even though most of my experiences since I have been dating have been with women and queer people. And I feel like I was going through a lot of existential crises and it was just very new for me. I felt like that was the first time that I was able to experience writing a song about somebody whose pronouns were not she/her.
LUNA: There's been a lot of discourse these past months about bisexual women on social media. Were you worried about how the song would be received?
ZAHM: You know, I think no. I mean, yes, obviously I was. I was worried, but also I think for me, I've always been very proudly bisexual, even while primarily dating women. I think there's a lot of biphobia that happens, and I think for me to not release that song when the bi’s were asking for it felt not, you know what I mean? I'm not gonna withhold from the bisexuals. I just was like, that's totally okay if people have feelings about it, but that's my truth. It's my reality. Having 100 songs about my ex-girlfriends and and then having a couple songs about an ex-boyfriend, it's just my story. It is what it is. I also think it's how you approach it, you know. That didn't erase my discography. I was in a relationship with my girlfriend at the time, and she fucking loved the song. Does that make sense? I think it's just how you approach it, trying to be transparent and honest with everyone. I'm proudly bisexual.
LUNA: As a lesbian, I've been jamming to it since it came out.
ZAHM: I love that! It’s such an interesting thing. My experiences have genuinely primarily been very women-loving-women. I guess because I came out of the closet later in life than other people, I think I always stuck with bisexual/pan. I still feel like I'm in an exploring phase for as gay as I am. I think for me, it's just being as honest as I can, and also leaving room for people to have emotions.
LUNA: The music video is very wholesome. How was the process of filming it?
ZAHM: I'm very attracted to queerness. That's kind of how I would describe my sexuality. I don't really date straight cis people. I've noticed that my sexuality very much leans into just being very queer. And so it was really important to me that the music video really represents what my relationships with men have been, which has been primarily trans men. That, to me, was so important to be honored. Cal has been such an amazing friend, and when I called him (about the video) and was like,“I love you so much, I need you to be hot and I need you to show your top surgery scars, babe, I need you right now.”And he was so sweet and wonderful about it. We had such a sweet time filming it, and it felt like such trans, queer joy. I was just very thrilled to have been able to have something that represented that part of my sexuality, which is very queer and wonderful and beautiful and valid.
LUNA: It feels so joyful and just representative of queerness, for sure. Before the single, you put out “Mothers and Daughters.” It's such a raw account of womanhood and our complex relationships with our mothers. Did you have this concept in your mind for a long time, or was it a specific realization you had?
ZAHM: No, I think I was just sitting with my mom. Specifically this year, I've really started to realize how much my mother is literally just a girl. I don't know what has shifted in my brain, of just like, Holy sh*t, you were a child raising a child. As someone who's 27 years old, my mom had me when she was 21. If I had a child when I was 21, I think that they would not be well. I have this newfound appreciation and grace for my mother, for the fact that she did her best, and was also trying to be a human while raising a human. There was an afternoon where I was getting really emotional about the fact that she loved me so well with what she was given, and that's what birthed “Mothers and Daughters.”
LUNA: It's like, the older you get, the more you realize how they were just doing their best with what they had. It does feel like a natural progression, because I feel like you've talked about your mom's role especially in your most recent EP. It feels natural. Talking about your EP, (the angry part), it is one of the best works I've ever heard.
ZAHM: Thank you!
LUNA: It's a very stark contrast to “Babygirl.” Do you find it easier to write about heartbreak or happiness?
ZAHM: Oh, that's such a good question. I think it's easier for me to post about happiness. Obviously, I think it's more natural for me to write sad songs. But then I go to post about it, and I'm like, F*ck, I'm gonna have to air out my sh*t. You know, like (the angry part) was really hard to wake up and have to post every day about it. Whereas with “Babygirl,” it was so joyful and people were so sweet and funny about it that I would wake up and it would just feel like I was gabbing with a bunch of people that were dating trans men. It felt more fun to promote, but I would say my homeostasis tends to be sad songs.
LUNA: I have been listening to your music since “Fat Funny Friend,” and it's just been getting better and better. How has your life changed since that release to now?
ZAHM: I mean, the fact that I'm doing this full time is so stupid, like stupid in a good way. I never thought that I would be a musician. I never thought that I would be doing this full time. Now I'm so excited for the next couple years. I feel like I've written the stuff that is going to be the next chapter, which is so exciting. So just a lot of prepping and being excited to connect.
LUNA: Are you working on the next album?
ZAHM: Yeah, I think a couple more singles before the tour, and then it's time for me to hunker down. It's time for me to write and produce my Opus, which I'm so excited about. Honestly, I’m so thrilled. We'll have to talk when that comes out.
LUNA: Absolutely! You've been on the journey of healing since the beginning of your music career. You've helped a lot of people, myself included. Do you think you're in a better place now, or do you still have a lot to process?
ZAHM: I think I'm in a better place now than I've been in a really long time. I am more sure of who I am, what I want. I feel like there was a lot of extremism for me, of leaving the church and then being like, absolutely no spirituality, and then somehow coming into this gray area of being agnostic and being like, maybe someday I will want to be spiritual. I feel like I found a medium. I think the truth primarily exists in the middle. I think I found this willingness to be flexible with myself and not needing to be so labeled and rigid about who I am, and this is who I'm going to be, because the reality is that we're all ever-changing. I'm finding such solace in this wonderful gray area of self discovery and self acceptance.
LUNA: That's a really beautiful way to put it. And I'm very glad that you are in that place right now. Thank you for this.
ZAHM: I'm so glad we got to talk. We'll have to talk when the album comes out.
