Q&A: Girls Like Thuy Have Cried.. A Lot— A Conversation About Growth, Identity, and the Journey Leading Up to Her Sophomore EP
ONE OF THE BAY AREA’S FINEST — R&B singer-songwriter thuy is an Asian-American powerhouse breaking first-generation curses. Born to Vietnamese immigrant parents, the newly-31-year-old vocalist is the product of what happens when you bet on your passions and abilities over people-pleasing and settling within cultural expectations (first-gens, unfortunately, know what’s up.) Leaving her alternate-ending profession in the medical field to pursue her childhood pop-star dreams, thuy hasn’t looked back since– from collaborating with other talents like Destiny Rogers and RINI, to performing at 88rising’s “Head in the Clouds” music festival, thuy has along the way generated a strong fan base of R&B-loving, Asian-Americans fans who look to her like the big sister they never knew they needed. Following the success of her debut EP, “i hope u see this” in 2021, her latest project “girls like me don’t cry” dropped early this October. Don’t be deceived by the title– like reading through a diary, the 7-track EP does anything but put up a tough front.
We had the opportunity to engage in an intimate, honest conversation with thuy about her experience emerging from the many expectations set on her from childhood, standing strong in her identity in the music industry, and how it’s all fueled her to become the lucky, level-headed, self-proclaimed crybaby star that she is today.
Read more below to embark on the details of thuy’s journey and unpack her sophomore project with us!
LUNA: Halloween weekend was also your birthday, Happy Birthday!
THUY: Thank you! I just turned 31, which is hard to believe sometimes. I feel like I'm reliving my twenties, because in my twenties I didn't do what I wanted to do, in terms of just putting myself first. Now I feel super young at the same time.
LUNA: I mean, 31 is a very young age still, and you have a lot to be proud of! This month alone it was your birthday, and you just released your newest project “girls like me don't cry”. What are some things that you learned in this past year? What are you looking forward to from this upcoming year, this new chapter of your life that you're entering?
THUY: I feel like there's just so much change that has happened over the last year. I've learned that I need to put my mental wellness above everything. People are always like, “Oh, how are you dealing with your newfound fame?”, and I don't even feel famous, I just feel like everything's growing, but I'm the same person. There's a lot of changes in relationships around me, so learning how to navigate those things now is a little bit of a challenge, but I think that I always move with good intentions and good faith in other people. I attract people that also care about me and my well being above being an artist, I surround myself with people who really do care about me.
THUY: Coming into this new year, turning 31, I definitely have learned to put myself first because for a really long time, I put a lot of people ahead of myself. I’m learning to have fun, learning to tell my story and be unapologetic about it; just learning to be me, not having to change who I am to fit any type of mold or have people accept me. I'm really just being myself. I feel like I've always learned that in my 20s. Now I'm like, “Okay, I know who I am”– but obviously, there's a lot of changes that happen, you know what I mean? If I was working a nine to five, I feel like it'd be so different. The industry that I'm in, you're surrounded by so many different personalities and so many different things. It's always going to be a little bit harder to navigate, because it's not something that I was used to growing up, seeing and being a part of. I'm still kind of learning how to navigate those things, but I think I have a good head on my shoulders and good people on my side.
LUNA: That's really great. 31 is young! If anything, this is a beautiful age to be navigating a new career path. You're chasing your dream right now. I think that with social media being so accessible today, it's so common for someone to blow up overnight and become a sensation. We’re in an age of influencers, everyone's trying to be one.
You're still young, but you're old enough to have navigated a whole different life experience as an adult, working in the medical field before your music career really took off– do you regret any of that? Were there times where that road to your music dreams felt sort of endless?
THUY: Totally. I definitely deal with my age insecurity sometimes. I don't deal with it all the time, but there's definitely moments where I wish I started earlier. I think, naturally, as humans, we tend to compare ourselves to others. Sometimes I'll look at people and I'm like, “Oh my God, they're 23. They have so much going for them” and they’re where I wish I was at when I was at 23. But then I take a step back, and I'm like, “You know what? I wouldn't change any of my experiences in life, because I have gone through so much in life.” I feel like I have yet to even kind of scratch the surface, letting people in and peeling back the layers and everything. I've just experienced so much life, so much heartbreak, so much change; I just put all of that into my music, I think that's why I'm so relatable. In that sense, sometimes I have that insecurity of “I wish I started sooner”, but on the other end, I'm glad I started later in life. I feel mentally and emotionally ready to be able to deal with all of this.
THUY: Honestly, this is a very weird landscape for me to be in because, growing up, it wasn't something that was formalized. I still think nobody will ever kind of get used to this, nobody will ever get used to seeing hate comments or anything like that. At the end of the day, we're all human, and no matter where you are in life, I'd be lying if I said those things didn't get to me. What I will say is, because I've experienced so much and because I am older, I do feel more able to deal with it in a healthy way, where I can be self aware. I also know that I love who I am, and people around me that really care about me love who I am. That's all that really matters. It's a push and pull of both things, feeling a little insecure but also being proud of myself– I've experienced a lot and I can put that into my music and it couldn't be more real, you know?
LUNA: Absolutely, and if you hadn't gone through all those experiences, you wouldn't have been the person that you are today in this position. Have you always made music, through all those phases of your life?
THUY: I've always wanted to be a singer. Since I could literally talk, I remember just loving to sing. I would sing everywhere, I would pretend that I was a pop star in my room. I have this garage in the back of my house, and after school, I would go there and just be alone. I would put the little boombox on Britney Spears' “Baby One More Time” CD, and replay it over and over and pretend that I was her. I've always wanted to be a pop star, but of course, I didn't know how to do that. It wasn't something that somebody helped me with, like, “Okay, you have the talent for it, let me let me put you in singing classes or dancing classes or acting classes” or things that can take you to that place. Naturally, I just went to school. It wasn't even until after college when I met Charlie, that's when I started making music.
THUY: So it was really later in life, but I always had this dream, and I didn't want to let it die; then I met somebody that introduced me to the studio and started songwriting. Growing up, I would write little poems here and there, but I always laugh at my story. I'm very adamant on letting the younger generation know not to give up on your dreams just because you didn't have the tools, right? If you have a passion and a raw talent for it, it can still happen. You know you can still make it work, it just depends on how much you want it.
THUY: I don't think it's ever too late. If you have a knack for something, it's intuitive– some people go to school, and they still can't make a song; it's just kind of in you. Natural, raw talent and that love for it, once you hone in on that, then you can be unstoppable. I never gave up on myself, [and] that's one of my best traits: never letting anything keep me down, or just using what people would say as ammo to work harder.
LUNA: When did you really start believing in yourself and your abilities as a musician? Did the success really hit right away, or was there some time where you were making music just because?
THUY: I actually made my first song that was released in 2015, it was called “Hands on Me”. We entered this contest in the Bay Area called Home Turf for 106.1 KMEL. It's a huge radio station, one of the biggest in the Bay Area. They do a competition every week where they have people vote [and] I ended up winning. What happens is that you get radio airtime, and they [played] my first song. I remember Big Von, who's the radio personality at the time, saw all the love that I was getting on Twitter, so he ended up playing it twice. I remember being like, “Oh my God, this is my first song, and it had already gone on the radio”. I think that's when I realized, “Oh, I think I can actually do this. I know I can do this.” I was still teetering between working in the medical field, but also making music on the side. Everything that I would release, people just showed me so much love. I definitely felt very grateful for the support because I know how hard it is, especially coming up. Not a lot of people will listen to your music, it's really hard to get ears on it because there's just so many talented artists out there. So I felt really grateful, but I also felt like this [was] a sign, I know my music is catching people, and if I just gave 120% I know I can really do this.
THUY: Then a couple years later, because I was just releasing music consistently, I got to a point where [my] music was doing really well. A room had opened up in Los Angeles and I was working at the optometry office at the time. I just said, Fuck it, I'm just gonna quit my job. I literally had barely anything in my savings. I think I had two or three thousand, enough to pay my rent for two months, but I just wanted to take the chance and take that risk. I [moved] out to LA and it ended up being the best decision I could have made, even though I didn't set myself up for success monetarily. I didn't have it all figured out, but I think that because I took that risk, the universe set up a lot of opportunities for me, and it just ended up being the right decision.
LUNA: I think that was definitely a sign for you to bet on yourself. You spent all those years of your twenties doing something else, but once you started making music, it really caught up to you. People spend their lives trying to make it in the industry, but there's something about strongly believing in yourself that helps it come into fruition that much faster.
THUY: For sure, I felt everything just worked out. I've always had this feeling that I've been very lucky. I feel like luck closely follows me and I'm the type of person that [believes] everything always happens for a reason and it is what it is. I really go with the flow of things and I’m never too resistant. I don't hone in on failures that much because, why do that? It happened for a reason, let's move past it. Throughout all of this, I'm sure there were definitely setbacks, but I don't put it under a magnifying glass because I'm more so focused on the good things that happened. So I definitely always have felt that luck closely followed me. Even though I know that I was working hard, I always felt like everything had its way of working out for me. I think it's more so because I've always just focused on the positive versus focusing on the things that didn't pan out.
LUNA: You're also starting to recognize how important your representation as an artist is to Southeast Asian audiences: you’re outspoken about your identity, you incorporated your culture into your art when you included your parents in the music video for “trust”– even going by your Vietnamese name as your stage name can be defying in the American music industry! What's it like being an Asian American woman in R&B music? Do you ever feel like you stand out too much, or you had to prove yourself within this specific genre where there's not a lot of Asian representation?
THUY: Honestly, no! I just feel like I'm being myself and like I'm being authentic, I don't feel like I have to try to be anybody else. Coming from the Bay Area, everybody is a melting pot. I grew up around so many different cultures: hip hop, R&B, rap, all of that shit. I don't really ever feel like I had to change who I am. But I also do understand the genre that I'm in; R&B coming from the Black culture, I am very self aware of that, and I'm very grateful to even be accepted in that way. It's a hard question, because I would be a fool to not be aware of where this genre originates from, so I just want to pay homage any way that I can and always give my flowers. At the end of the day, I feel like I'm just being myself, and I'm just telling my story and making the music that I want to make and grew up listening to. Hopefully people can relate to it, but it’s a hard question.
LUNA: The way that you're navigating it is great, your mindset helps you transition into that genre so seamlessly, a lot of people see you and identify with you deeply. Touching back on Asian representation: You're not signed to 88rising, but you did get the chance to be part of their “Head in the Clouds” music festival this year! They're well known for representing international Asian artists transitioning into the American music scene. I know that emerging into the music industry can be very intimidating, and it's easy to lose sight. Has being supported by this environment and fanbase, celebrating a shared Asian experience within American music, had an impact on your journey? How has being this part of the community kept you grounded?
THUY: Of course! I mean, HIC was one of the festivals that I've always dreamt of being a part of. Last year, I was so sure that they would ask me to come perform, and then they didn't, which was fine. But I kind of manifested this– I've always wanted it to happen, and it happened at the right time. And the Asian community shows up for me all the time, I'm just so fucking grateful for them because they are who I am really speaking to, I am doing this for them. I think they look at me as their older Vietnamese sister, and that just means everything to me. If you actually know me in real life, I am very motherly. I will always be the one to be on your side of things and always hyping you up, so for me to just be myself and in turn hype people up, let them know that this shit is possible, means everything to me.
THUY: At HIC, when I saw everybody in the huge crowd, I did not expect that at all. I should have, because I know my Asian brothers and sisters will ride for me and show up at any moment. They're so so supportive. So I just want to continue, hopefully, inspiring them. That whole festival was incredible, I had such an amazing time. To be recognized amongst other Southeast Asian artists and some of the biggest international Asian artists in general, that feels great to me, because it's all about community. It's all about finding a space where you feel welcomed in, so to finally be welcomed in that way felt like I was doing something right.
LUNA: I want you to know how universal your journey has been, in terms of breaking out of cultural boundaries, including another one that many Asian people have with their parents: being emotionally vulnerable. You're so blatantly honest with your feelings through your music, especially when it comes to love: romantic love, self love, and more. Your EP is literally called “girls like me don't cry”; the entire title track is about emotional expectations. How did this EP come about? What's the story that you want it to tell?
THUY: Growing up, I always felt like I couldn't be emotional in front of my family. I always had to hold myself together, put myself together, act like I'm strong. I remember times where I would cry, my dad was like, “No, don't cry, hold it in”. It's definitely a cultural thing to suppress your feelings a lot of times, and I think that in my adulthood now, I'm unlearning these things. It isn't normal to suppress your feelings, and the more you suppress it, the worse it comes out later. I'm learning to deal with things head on and process my emotions in a way that's healthy, because I want to be the best person for myself, but also for the people around me. I want to be a positive light for others, but I can't be that if I'm dealing with emotional turmoil.
THUY: I've talked about mental health occasionally, but [social anxiety is] definitely something that I do deal with. I have my low moments, and that day was definitely a low moment for me. I did not want to go to the studio. One of my team members had set up the session and I didn't want to cancel because I'm a bit of a people pleaser. I'm like, “let's just do it, it's fine.” I was kind of hanging on to the fact that once I got in the studio, I'll be able to be happy because the studio is my happy place. It's a therapeutic space for me to unleash all my emotions.
THUY: When I [went] in [for this track], I heard the beat and I already knew what kind of concept I wanted to talk about. I turned to Charlie, who's my co-writer, and I said, “I want to talk about crying.” It's funny because as much as I try to suppress my emotions, my name growing up was [“Cry Baby” in Vietnamese]. I used to cry all the fucking time, every inconvenience, my mom told me “You used to cry even when you would get fed, when you would get everything you wanted. You would just cry”. I feel a lot, [I’m] just a very emotional person, but I basically wanted to talk about women who have to be at the forefront. In my case: I'm a musician, I'm a singer, I have to always put myself on display for people to judge. I wanted to show that those women cry, we have our own insecurities. We all deal with self doubt and not loving ourselves at times, but it's okay to let it out.
In the verse I talked about my transition from the medical field and moving to Los Angeles:
“Lost in the city, both eyes wide, I ran right through all my options”– Basically, I ran right through all my savings.
“I can't seem to keep both eyes dry, I have tissues in my pocket.”
I'm just such a crybaby– but even when I'm crying, I can still get shit done. You know, girls like me, we act like we don't cry, but that's not true. The strongest women cry. I want to have an anthem for all the women out there that are dealing with shit on a daily basis, but we're still boss bitches.
LUNA: What was your favorite track on the EP? And which was your favorite one to write and produce as well?
THUY: That is a very hard question. My two favorites would be “dumb luck” and “obsessed”. It's very hard, because I love them all. Oh, you know what– “insecurities” doesn't get enough love. Writing “insecurities” was so cathartic for me and I definitely cried while recording it. It's just so raw and authentic and vulnerable. It's me basically talking about how sometimes I look at the mirror, and I don't like who's looking back at me: just not loving yourself at times, and that's okay. Sometimes you push your insecurities down, but they end up finding their way to the surface. Throughout your life, you have to tackle these insecurities head on so that you can live with yourself, you know what I mean? They're gonna live with you forever, so you have to learn to love them. That song was probably my favorite to write, because it was more of a song for me than it was for anybody else. The other songs are for me too, but this one was just so intimate. I felt like I was literally talking to my reflection. My favorite on the track is probably “obsessed”. I don't know, something about it– whenever the hook comes around, it just makes me feel good.
LUNA: Your first headlining tour for the EP starts soon, and it's completely sold out!
THUY: I'm just gonna go hide! I’m totally excited, but I think you never feel like you have enough time to prepare for things. We're going to Vietnam and then we're going to Thailand, then after that, we're going straight to Vancouver. So many things are happening: figuring out arrangements, figuring out merch, figuring out visualizers for the tour, routing and all, it's just so much all at once. It's a lot, but I'm very very excited to go on this next tour because the first one was so much fun. I had such an amazing time, there's nothing like hearing people sing your lyrics back. There's nothing like it. That feeling is indescribable. I wish that everyone can experience that one day, and seeing people just love your art the same way that you loved while you made it is an incredible feeling, to feel seen in that way. You can see it in their faces that they resonate with that song. The way that they're screaming? I can't describe it. I'm excited. I'm very, very excited to tour.
THUY: It's awesome. I feel like these moments, when they come really fast, it's hard sometimes to just be present in the moment. I want to make sure that I'm aware of that during this tour, of finding little things in each city that makes me appreciate the moment, like, “Oh my God, I can't believe I'm in Portland, I've never been to Portland. I've never been to Seattle, I've never been to Vancouver. Never been to Thailand.” It's just all things that are so exciting, I'm so grateful to have the opportunity. I think even though a lot of things are happening, it's important for me to also take time to just appreciate every moment.
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