Spotlight: Esther Rose Shatters Through Heartbreak With “How Many Times”

☆ By Patrick Zavorskas ☆

LET’S SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT — Esther Rose did not seek to create the next-best-depressing American, break-up album — and she is here to prove it. The once-New Orleans native — now-New Mexico resident and singer-songwriter — did not get her heart broken so that she could sit around and mope around all day. She got her heart broken so she could dance her "grumpy ass" around her house alone to the Chicks, write a new album, and own her solitude like the "little Sagittarius wanderer" that she is. And you want to know why she did that? She wants you to own it, too.

Esther Rose's newest album, How Many Times (released on March 26), is in and of itself an experience. Written over the course of three moves, navigating the end of a relationship and pre-COVID-19 touring, the alt-country, genre-fluid album was penned with momentum in mind — circumnavigating the cyclical nature of relationships and love. At its core, it is raw and vulnerable. It is, in part, Joni Mitchell's Blue, riddled with a storybook confessional lyricism, with drops of Aimee Mann-like compositions and Jenny Lewis charisma. Diving deep into its center, you'll find lyrics such as, "I'm never hungry, and I'm never full / They make pills to ease the pain," portraying a prelude to the mental state and healing process of the album. But if you linger at the surface, there is something actually quite joyful about the record.

"I really do think that this is a fun record,” Rose said. “Like, on the surface, it's like a party. It has that energy of dancing in your living room or screaming in your car … I feel like it has a lot of excitement and energy in it. I feel like if people just listen to it without really kind of getting too into the subject matter … they're going to have their own relationship with it. There's a really fun experience."

This is what makes the album such an intriguing one: as I was introduced to the album, I decided to plan a small road-trip to allow myself the time to soak it in fully. Driving alone on the backroads of my state, I expected the album to be heavy and somber — sounds of Sharon Van Etten's Are We There Yet were filling my mind before pressing play. I stereotyped the album as a melodrama of heartwrenching melodies that are worthy of an ugly cry. But the beauty of the record is just how unexpected and surprising it can be.

The album opens with the title track and lead single, "How Many Times," a twangy, soothing upbeat track filled with pedal steel and fiddle. Serving as the chronological aftermath to her sophomore album, You Made It This Far, closing track "Don't Blame It On The Moon" answers the question emerging at the end of the album: "What's a girl to do? / I hope I'm worth all this heartache?" One can wallow in their sadness and emerge on the other side of heartbreak, crushed and defeated, or one can put on a record and listen to their favorite song. There is a sense of redefining your self-worth within the track, becoming aware of the hidden feelings and emotions that linger in the background. It is about feeling "it," but making "it" whatever you want it to be.

For Esther, the songs are upbeat and energetic because they are cathartic and pleasurable. The songs on the album, described as "an awakening" are indeed healing — not just in the sense of becoming one with your emotions and knowing it is okay to hurt, but also getting to a point where one can feel free and be present in the moment. It is finding the calm and the chaos. It is becoming unnumb. And it is actively choosing to become unnumb. The album is a transition — a transition through all the bad, all the good, and all the ugly that we must go through along the way.

“I started writing the song 'How Many Times' in the shower, and it's very much one of those moments, like, 'Okay, great, like this is happening. I'm gonna have to get out of the shower to, like, go write the song right now,'” Rose explains. “And it was. It is one of those moments where the hidden became present. And I became extremely present. And I really began to unlock a lot of joy. [With the music], the combination of lines and melodies really turned my grumpy ass around. I'm having a good time in my house alone, and so the reality shifts.

“I'm no longer in this state of depression, and I'm not in that process of loathing anymore. When I wrote 'How Many Times' one night, I felt truly able to get through that night. And when I went to bed, I felt like a fucking angel, just glowing and happy and alone. And that is what I want the record to do for people."

In the end, Esther Rose is just here to help by making and sharing her music. She understands what heartache feels like; what emotional pain others may be experiencing when getting their hearts broken. She understands the discomfort of the first few lonely-filled nights, and she understands how hard it can be to make it to the other side. But through every song on her record, all she wants you to do is “put on your best shoes / And strut the fuck around like you've got nothing to lose.” She’s here to help you face your problems head-on and strong, just like she has, preparing yourself to feel whatever is necessary in order to keep growing upwards and outwards. She knows that you got “this,” because she’s got “this” too.

While the pandemic still makes touring a rather difficult feat, Esther Rose is planning a special virtual album release, in which she is currently locking in the details. How Many Times was realsed on March 26 through Father/Daughter Records, with exclusive vinyl pressing through Father/Daughter and Vinyl Me, Please.

How Many Times (On Repeat) - A Playlist Inspired By Esther Rose’s Interview

How Many Times by Esther Rose
Highway Pearls by Valley Queen
Wide Open Spaces by The Chicks
I Take My Chances by Mary Chapin Carpenter
Wild Eyes by Duff Thompson
Slow Burn by Mountain Man (Kasey Musgraves Cover)
Amelia by Joni Mitchell
Songs Remain by Esther Rose
Acid Tongue by Jenny Lewis
Save Me by Aimee Mann
Don’t Know How To Keep Loving You by Julia Jacklin
Julianna Calm Down by The Chicks
To The Other Side by Deana Carter
Keep Me Running by Esther Rose

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