Q&A: Em Beihold Is Sharp, Bold, and Unapologetic On Her New Single, “Brutus”
INTERVIEW
INTERVIEW
☆ BY SAMANTHA SORIA ☆
BOLD AND BACK LIKE NEVER BEFORE - Em Beihold is no stranger to discussing the complex feelings no one wants to talk about. In fact, she loves it, even if it happens to make people just a little bit uncomfortable. Her 2022 breakout single “Numb Little Bug” placed her on pop music’s map. Garnering almost half-a-billion streams, reaching the Top 20 of the Billboard Hot 100, and receiving a Platinum certification, the song resonated with so many, spanning a generation of listeners.
And now, on her new single “Brutus,” with such clever and intimate lyrics that bite, the singer dives into another all-too familiar feeling we have all experienced—wishing you had someone else’s life, even when you know you shouldn't.
In our interview, Em shares the process behind the creation of "Brutus." She discusses her love for Regina Spektor, what it was like to incorporate her fencing skills into the music video, her aspirations for the impact of her music on fans, and the important reminder she is currently focusing on. Read our interview below to learn more.
LUNA: Before we get into all the details of your new song, I want to talk about two artists that play a big role in your writing style—Regina Spektor and Sara Bareilles. I saw you mentioned them in an interview that you did last year with Melodic Magazine and just had to ask you about them because that specific sound and lyrical style that they’re recognized for—especially Regina— is something shown and heard in “Brutus.”
EM: I grew up on Regina Spektor. I started writing because I first heard “The Call.” Someone was covering it at a theater camp I attended when I was younger, and I was transcending my little fourth-grade body with how beautiful that song was. I’ve always gravitated toward Regina because she's a rule breaker. She's quirky, and her lyrics are colorful. I feel like I've never been into what people my age are normally into, you know what I mean? She represents the weirdos a little bit, but same with Sara Bareilles. Her chord changes are uniquely hers, and her lyrics. Growing up, when I was learning to play piano, I learned to play both of their songs, and they're idols to me.
LUNA: "The Call"—that's what I read in that interview. That, too, was the first song I was introduced to. It wasn't because someone was performing it. I think it was because it was the end credits to–
EM: Narnia!
LUNA: Yeah! And as soon as I heard it, I fell in love. She was literally, I think, the only artist I listened to a lot in high school. I still have one of her CDs, but yeah, I just wanted to get into your head a little and how much they have influenced you.
EM: I saw Regina Spektor play three times in the past two years. Each time I’ve seen her, it’s just her and the piano, which is something I didn’t realize you can even do. That really inspired the super small, semi-secret piano tour I went on in April, where it was just me and the piano.
I think after a song like “Numb Little Bug,” I’ve been saying that because it was doing so well on the radio and I was doing all these radio circuit big shows, I was kind of cosplaying as a pop star because I was on pop radio, and I’m in a lineup with Tate McRae. I think I was confused as to where my musical identity was, but in truth, Regina has always been my favorite—the reason I write—and a lot closer to who I want to be as an artist and associated with. She’s been a guiding light since fourth grade till today.
LUNA: So, speaking of “Numb Little Bug”— you shared that after it, you had dealt with burn out, heavy writer’s block, and a constant self-comparison that felt almost chronic. But then “Brutus” comes along and helps you see the light during a dark time. Can you take me back to that moment when the song finally clicked for you creatively?
EM: There were a lot of times when I was just sitting at the piano and nothing was coming out. And then... it's that flow state. I don't know how to explain it, but all of a sudden I had the chorus: "Your Caesar and I'm Brutus, minus that part with the knife." I feel like that's exactly the kind of Em Beihold cheeky lyric that talks about something dark with a little bit of levity. That made me feel like myself again, and I was like, Oh, I'm on to something! I sent it to my management, and the next day they were like, Oh, we're so excited about this! I hadn't gotten that response in at least a year, you know, because nothing I was making felt like me. This song is a good reminder that even when you think you're an empty tank and you don't have anything left to give, it's in there; you just have to find it.
LUNA: First off, for any history buffs out there who listen to this song, I think we can all agree that Brutus just rolls off the tongue better than Cassius! The metaphor of Brutus and Caesar is such a striking choice— what drew you to this historical reference as a lens for exploring self-doubt?
EM: I mean, is it the most historically accurate song? It is not, and some people in the comments are really flaming me for it, but that’s okay! [laughs] Caesar’s the main guy. The point is like a first and a second; the person who gets the attention, and the one who doesn’t get that chance. So, I saw it like that.
LUNA: The line “You’re Caesar and I’m Brutus, minus that part with the knife” is so cheeky and clever but it’s also loaded. How did you strike that balance between vulnerability and dark humor?
EM: I think we all have our girls where it’s like you see everything they’re doing, and you’re like, Wow, everything is amazing; that’s really great for you. *says sarcastically*
I kept writing songs where I was putting myself down, putting them down, or making myself sound really insecure. I was like, “How do I talk about the situation factually as to what’s happening but not make them sound bad because they’ve done nothing wrong? It’s just in my head.” So, I felt like I finally had that balance with “Brutus.” The other thing is, the line "I wish I had your life" has a double meaning, which I didn't even realize until we finished the song. It wasn't intentional, but I wish I had your life, like I killed you, and I wish I physically had your life. There’s some unintentional good stuff in there [laughs].
LUNA: It’s so relatable. I find that you kind of need that dark humor to kind of understand your thoughts.
EM: I will say that the bridge explores the topic of killing that person. [laughs] That was never a thought, but the idea is like when you’re in the darkness of your mind, it’s like, Ugh! If this person weren’t around, it wouldn’t be so bad! But the truth is, it would be some other person; it’s never going to end. I love discussing the feelings no one talks about, even if it makes people a little uncomfortable.
LUNA: In the music video, I love how you step into these different roles. How fun was it for you to use your fencing skills for this project? This is such a cool fact I learned about you. You’ve got like 18 years under your belt, right?
EM: I did NCAA at UCSD and fenced at the NCAA championships. It’s been a huge part of my life, and I think I was waiting for the right moment for there to be a crossover. Even when I had less than 1,000 monthly listeners on Spotify, my friends were like, Are you gonna incorporate fencing in a music video one day? I think I even have it in a journal entry from at least a decade ago. I was really excited for it to be this video. Initially, it was going to be the single cover, a track race, but then I thought, Wait, this is fencing’s time to shine. Why don’t we just do fencing? [laughs]
LUNA: There’s also a reference to Mozart and Salieri. I loved this because it reminded me of that show Mozart in the Jungle. Have you ever seen that show?
EM: No.
LUNA: It’s great! Again, I loved that you added this reference and I gasped when I saw that in the video.
EM: [laughs] Well, have you seen Amadeus?
LUNA: No, I haven’t. But I’ve heard of it!
EM: Yeah, that’s where I got that [idea] initially. When I was dealing with this really heavy comparison, my mom was like, Watch this! I didn’t realize how much of a lasting impact it would have.
LUNA: You were like, Add it to the music video!
EM: Yeah, exactly! [laughs]
LUNA: I also loved the “u tried” ribbon. Oh, how we all have been there… Where can I get one? Asking for a friend, of course!
EM: [laughs] Maybe I should sell them as merch! I will say that my dad played the referee in the music video. He pins it on me and it was fun to have him do that.
LUNA: Correct me if I’m wrong, I think it’s toward the end of the song. Is there a harpsichord?
EM: Yeah! That was James Flannigan’s [producer] choice and I loved it immediately. I’ve been trying to mature up the sound of this album since the last installment of music and when he did that, I was like, Yes! Yes! Yes! This is exactly what I want! I think there’s kind of an unintentional theme on this album of like popifying classical stuff—
LUNA: Love that sentence right there!
EM: [laughs] in more than just “Brutus” but the album in whole. Yeah, I was really excited when he added that.
LUNA: I feel like if you listen to classical music, you’ll pick up on it. But if you’re hearing classical for the first time, you might be like, Wait a minute, what is that sound? It’s so peculiar. It’s like a piano, but it’s not, and it scratches the brain in the best way.
EM: We need more harpsichord in pop! That’s my official statement [laughs].
LUNA: In all seriousness—and this is my lengthy question—this song is fun and cheeky, yet it taps into that recurring theme in your music: mental health. Now, more than ever, so many of us fall into the trap of self-doubt, jealousy, and comparison, and when that happens, we tend to forget a few essential truths. You summed it up so powerfully in your Instagram post when “Brutus” dropped: 1) “Jealousy really has nothing to do with the other person but about deficiencies that live in ourselves—wherein the work lies!” 2) “Just because you can see the outside of someone else’s house it doesn’t mean you know what’s inside.” 3) “You bring a unique magic to this earth and that’s why you’re in it.”
With all this said, as you continue to evolve as an artist but also as a person, what keeps you grounded in those truths? And looking ahead, with this new mindset, as you continue creating new music, how do you hope your music—and your message—will grow or shift to meet the future version of you and your fans?
EM: Definitely, spending less time on my phone is huge. Already, I'll be honest, I've been caught in the trap of like, I'm finally releasing, what do people think? Let me look at the comments. Of course, there are some nasty ones, and I'm like, Oooh! *winces* and then I think about them for a bit. Or it's like I've gained a little bit of weight because I’m happy now and eating food, which I wasn’t doing before and people are like, She's fattening and I'm like, I gained 10 pounds, let's be honest about it.
But I feel so much more full in myself. I’ve realized that only doing music is not sustainable for me. I also have a book club, I’m a cat mom, and I’m neighbors with my parents. I’m over with my parents all the time watching Survivor and I think being really honest about the different roles and interests, the plates in the air that we have in our lives is very important. I also think not getting your worth from one place.
My friendships— I’m prioritizing them more than I think I historically did, especially like my non-music friendships. We don’t talk about the industry. It’s not really a conversation I’m really super interested to have 24/7. I think there’s a lot of things in place in my life where I’m just trying not to get caught up in the numbers and let my self-worth be defined by what other people think like I did around “Numb Little Bug”-era. But I don’t blame myself either, that was the first time I went through that.
I always hope that my music is truthful, vulnerable, and speaks to topics that people don’t always know how to describe. I don’t really know who future Em is and I think that’s one thing I used to stress about. Like, Oh what’s the album gonna sound like and how can I get a song with this feeling? I was kind of futurizing too much and now it’s doing what’s in front of me, which doesn’t totally answer your question, but I do think that’s my mentality more so than thinking too many steps ahead.
